Go Ahead and Secede, "Blue" States; George Bush's Union Will Squash You Like 19 Grapes
Mackubin Thomas Owens posted a fun piece on the secession craze sweeping the post-Apocalypse (i.e. Bush's re-election) Left.
He begins with a straight rebuke of the "neo-fireaters":
"On one hand, I don't think much of the concept of secession. Several years ago I wrote The Case Against Secession, in which, following Lincoln, I observed that...
Secession constitutes a repudiation of republican government as understood by the Founders....When the States ratified the Constitution of 1787, they pledged that they would accept the results of elections conducted according to its rules. In violation of this pledge, the Southern States seceded because they did not like the outcome of the election of 1860. Thus secession is the interruption of the constitutional operation of republican government, substituting the rule of the minority for that of the majority."
Then he looks at the actual logistics involved in Civil War II:
"To begin with, where would the blue-state secessionists get the military force they would need to vindicate their action? After all, to paraphrase Thomas Hobbes, principles, no matter how noble, are mere wind without the sword. Most U.S. servicemen come from the red states, or from the red counties of the blue states. The blue states have made it next to impossible for their citizens to own firearms, so they can't count on 'a people, numerous and armed' to vindicate their secession.
"[W]hen a red-state soldier or Marine is putting down the blue-state rebellion, what is he going to think of this exchange from the aforementioned Bill Maher website? 'You do realize that over 80% of our troops support Bush, don't you?' 'Yes darling — I do.... That's only fair isn't it? Why should decent people die in your bogus war you murdering hun. I hope the whole lot of them are decapitated...but getting their butts blown off will suffice.'
"And who would lead this blue-state secession? Martin Sheen? Well, why not? He is already president of a parallel universe....Of course, President Sheen wouldn't actually control much territory, and the rebellion probably wouldn't last too long since the unarmed secessionists he would be leading wouldn't be able to feed themselves. The U.S. Navy would detach a frigate or two to blockade New York City, Boston, Los Angeles, and San Francisco. The Air Force would close down blue-state airports. So an 'Anaconda Strategy' might work this time.
"The Unionists in the blue states would, of course, create loyal governments recognized in Washington. The red counties of California, New York, and Pennsylvania might even form new states on the model of West Virginia in 1864....
"A blue-state rebellion shouldn't take too long to put down. What then? Can we expect continued resistance on the part of Maureen Dowd and Michael Moore? What will the occupiers do? And, will these seceded blue states have to be 'reconstructed?' Now, that might be fun. I say skip the 'with malice toward none and with charity for all' stuff and go right to 'radical Reconstruction.' Treat the rebellious blue states as conquered provinces, disorganized communities without legitimate civil governments that cannot regain statehood until the federal government is ready to give it to them. Take Charles Sumner's position: that the seceded blue states have committed suicide and therefore revert to the condition of federal territories."
Don't leave out the possibility of "Old Europe" intervening in the conflict on the side of Kerrytopia. Wouldn't that be a grand slam? Sheen, Dowd, Moore, and the Axis of Weasels all in one, swift, massive, efficient blow!
Then there'd be what to do with all the political prisoners. They'd have to be shipped to labor camps at the very least. Say, in Alaska, working on clearing away wilderness for business development, oil drilling, and pipeline construction. And certainly there would be mandatory re-education in Christian fundamentalism. Conversion could reduce sentences depending upon how quickly each prisoner saw the light and repented of his/her sins. Failure to convert would be punishable by transfer to Baghdad where prisoners would be turned over to al Qaeda, never to be seen again.
Owens reassures the reader in his closing graf that he's just kidding, and doesn't think crazy jackasses like Larry O'Donnell are serious either. But Owens is wrong - libs like O'Donnell are serious. They just don't have any power to implement their insanity. That's why I think it will take the form of domestic terrorism instead.
But for fever-swampers who want to indulge in treasonous hate screeds like these, let the above serve as sobering food for thought: we red-staters are ready for you.
In every sense of the word.
He begins with a straight rebuke of the "neo-fireaters":
"On one hand, I don't think much of the concept of secession. Several years ago I wrote The Case Against Secession, in which, following Lincoln, I observed that...
Secession constitutes a repudiation of republican government as understood by the Founders....When the States ratified the Constitution of 1787, they pledged that they would accept the results of elections conducted according to its rules. In violation of this pledge, the Southern States seceded because they did not like the outcome of the election of 1860. Thus secession is the interruption of the constitutional operation of republican government, substituting the rule of the minority for that of the majority."
Then he looks at the actual logistics involved in Civil War II:
"To begin with, where would the blue-state secessionists get the military force they would need to vindicate their action? After all, to paraphrase Thomas Hobbes, principles, no matter how noble, are mere wind without the sword. Most U.S. servicemen come from the red states, or from the red counties of the blue states. The blue states have made it next to impossible for their citizens to own firearms, so they can't count on 'a people, numerous and armed' to vindicate their secession.
"[W]hen a red-state soldier or Marine is putting down the blue-state rebellion, what is he going to think of this exchange from the aforementioned Bill Maher website? 'You do realize that over 80% of our troops support Bush, don't you?' 'Yes darling — I do.... That's only fair isn't it? Why should decent people die in your bogus war you murdering hun. I hope the whole lot of them are decapitated...but getting their butts blown off will suffice.'
"And who would lead this blue-state secession? Martin Sheen? Well, why not? He is already president of a parallel universe....Of course, President Sheen wouldn't actually control much territory, and the rebellion probably wouldn't last too long since the unarmed secessionists he would be leading wouldn't be able to feed themselves. The U.S. Navy would detach a frigate or two to blockade New York City, Boston, Los Angeles, and San Francisco. The Air Force would close down blue-state airports. So an 'Anaconda Strategy' might work this time.
"The Unionists in the blue states would, of course, create loyal governments recognized in Washington. The red counties of California, New York, and Pennsylvania might even form new states on the model of West Virginia in 1864....
"A blue-state rebellion shouldn't take too long to put down. What then? Can we expect continued resistance on the part of Maureen Dowd and Michael Moore? What will the occupiers do? And, will these seceded blue states have to be 'reconstructed?' Now, that might be fun. I say skip the 'with malice toward none and with charity for all' stuff and go right to 'radical Reconstruction.' Treat the rebellious blue states as conquered provinces, disorganized communities without legitimate civil governments that cannot regain statehood until the federal government is ready to give it to them. Take Charles Sumner's position: that the seceded blue states have committed suicide and therefore revert to the condition of federal territories."
Don't leave out the possibility of "Old Europe" intervening in the conflict on the side of Kerrytopia. Wouldn't that be a grand slam? Sheen, Dowd, Moore, and the Axis of Weasels all in one, swift, massive, efficient blow!
Then there'd be what to do with all the political prisoners. They'd have to be shipped to labor camps at the very least. Say, in Alaska, working on clearing away wilderness for business development, oil drilling, and pipeline construction. And certainly there would be mandatory re-education in Christian fundamentalism. Conversion could reduce sentences depending upon how quickly each prisoner saw the light and repented of his/her sins. Failure to convert would be punishable by transfer to Baghdad where prisoners would be turned over to al Qaeda, never to be seen again.
Owens reassures the reader in his closing graf that he's just kidding, and doesn't think crazy jackasses like Larry O'Donnell are serious either. But Owens is wrong - libs like O'Donnell are serious. They just don't have any power to implement their insanity. That's why I think it will take the form of domestic terrorism instead.
But for fever-swampers who want to indulge in treasonous hate screeds like these, let the above serve as sobering food for thought: we red-staters are ready for you.
In every sense of the word.
posted by JASmius at 9:26 PM
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