A "Stiff" Price for Kofi Annan's Departure

We've joked about it for years, in gallows fashion, but now it looks like they're getting ready to start laying the astroturf down at Turtle Bay.

"There's still more to come, there's still more to the story," a veteran U.S. diplomat told NewsMax regarding U.N. chief Kofi Annan's role in the ever-expanding Iraq Oil-for-Food scandal.

The diplomat, closely tied with the world body's most influential members, said pressure is building for Annan to resign. "It is possible that the secretary-general could, for the good of the organization, eventually offer his resignation," he told NewsMax's Stewart Stogel.

But who would replace Annan?

"Bill Clinton," the source said with a smile.

The U.S. official admitted that Bill Clinton as secretary-general, while still a long shot, is now being taken more seriously than in the past.

I'll give you all a few moments to finish retching and shuddering.

...Alrighty, then.

There are no legal roadblocks for a Clinton election to the U.N.'s top post.

During the term of Javier Peres de Cuellar a U.S. diplomat, Joseph Verner Reed, held the U.N.'s No. 2 slot - under secretary-general for General Assembly and Secretariat Affairs. Reed would have assumed Peres de Cuellar's responsibilities had the secretary-general been killed or incapacitated.

"When I am not in the house, Joe Reed runs the show. You take orders from him the way you take orders from me," Peres de Cuellar often told his senior staff.

Clinton, under his assignment of coordinator for Tsunami relief, has already been given a United Nations office, a U.N. identity card and diplomatic passport.

It was Bill Clinton who, as U.S. president, sponsored Annan's move to unseat Boutros Boutros-Ghali in 1996. [my emphasis]

You can just imagine the phone call (in Rush Limbaugh's Clinton impersonation):

"H'lo? Kofi? Hey, it's Bill! How ya doin'? Say, you know all that Oily Food stuff that you're havin' such a problem with? I gotta tell you, I'm a bit disappointed in you about that. Didn't ah tell you howda cover things up? You remember, make sure there's at least half a dozen layers of proxies, gofers, and underlings between you and the action, blackmail the investigators before they can get on yer tail, kiss a lotta babes - babies! - ah, you know what ah mean, so that the Oily Food program becomes like the international school lunch program and anybody...yeah, anybody who even calls your gravy train a scandal is a heartless, child-killing, warmongering fascist scarab. You remember, classic demagogic misdirection.

"Well, ah guess ya didn't remember, and now they're closin' in on ya, and besides, you were late on delivering me mah cut, so here's what we're gonna do. What? Oh, no, you don't have to double yer security arrangements, heh heh, jest slowly ease on out of yer job there and let me ease on into it. Yeah, that's right - after all, heh heh, remember who got you that job in the first place. And before I forget, make sure you get me the number of that peacekeeping escort service. That's the one, right, ya might wanna let 'em know that they'll be gaining another regular customer. But don't let anyone know yet, heh heh, alright? And...yeah, you can have my sloppy seconds. What's that? Yeah, we'll have 'em screened for AIDS and stuff...yeah, assuming, you know, that you ease yerself out on schedule. Otherwise mah selective amnesia might start coming back. Heh heh..."

Supreme Chancellor McCain (aka Darth Queeg), Secretary-General Bill, and President Hillary.

"Arrived, the dark times have," indeed.