The Future Under Socialized Medicine

Actual postings from hospital charts:

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. The patient has left white blood cells at an other hospital.

4. Note: patient here recovering from forehead cut. Patient became very angry when given an enema by mistake.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also seems depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993

9. Discharged status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy-appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally-alert but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant and infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under your car for physical therapy.

20. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

21. The lab test indicated abnormal over function.

22. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

23. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

(h/t Uncle)