Fun At The Checkout Line

No, I don't mean the big galoot in that Kentucky Fried Chicken 3-cheese combo bowl ad who all but throws that hot cashier on the counter and fills her up with his own blend of herbs and spices. I'm talking about the visit I just paid to the neighborhood Safeway on my way home just now to buy a tube of toothpaste. The checkout area had the obligatory tabloids (Seattle Times, New York Times, USA Today, etc.) as well as more reputable publications like the Globe and the National Enquirer - which, as Agent K pointed out, are the only true sources of genuine news.

Entertaining news, anyway. The Globe, for example, "reports," under the screaming headline, "LAURA WALKS OUT!", that President Bush has been feeding his weapon of mass desire to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, and evidently the First Lady found out about their "diplomatic liasons." This I can only ascribe to Clinton nostalgia, since back in those days the tabloids could never keep up with Sick Willie's real-life soap opera. What could they be going for now - comedic irony? Of course, Condi's all-star spitting gap is reminiscent of Lauren Hutton in her prime. Maybe Dubya has a weakness for that sort of thing.

But that wasn't the show-stealer. That award goes to the NE, which sported a pic of what I at first took to be House Minority Leader "Crazy Nancy" Pelosi. Then I got a closer look at the headline: "Loretta Lynn dies on operating table".

I'm sure the demise of the famed country music songstress is at least a tad premature. How happy for the rest of us, though, that "Crazy Nancy" has become a source of inadvertent year-round frivolity, and not just on Halloween.

UPDATE 6/22: Is this what Laura settled on as George's penance?