Hitler @ Cambridge For the 21st Century

The bottom line on Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's conquest of Columbia (University) today:

Columbia University's president, Lee Bollinger, gives a speech stating some things that we all know to be true - that Iran is at war with the West and is a cruelly repressive regime. Bollinger sits down, and Ahmadinejad schools him, and especially his hapless dean, as well as the audience and the world on how propaganda works....Bollinger's remarks are the equivalent of the apology offered by the reckless driver to the victim of his recklessness. The dean's dismal performance afterwards illustrates why this was a fiasco from the start. The too polite dean dared not cut the fanatic off or press a question as central as Israel's right to exist!

Meanwhile the networks catering to the jihadists will be slicing and dicing the fanatic's remarks; he will earn the admiration of radicals across the Arab world for standing up to the Americans; and the repressed people of Iran, especially the students who cannot speak out, the press that is muzzled, and the gays who don't exist will get all of Ahmadinejad and little if any of Bollinger. What will they conclude? Even a cursory examination of The Looming Tower or Inside The Jihad or any of many other serious books on the Islamist war against the West dwells on the crucial role of propaganda in pushing the extremist message, both Salafist and Shia versions. Today's fiasco has nothing to do with what Bollinger said, a name little known or long remembered anywhere outside of the upper West Side. It is about the platform Columbia provided this thug who is actively engaged in the killing of American soldiers and Marines while plotting the extermination of Israel....

"What did you hope to accomplish by speaking at Columbia today," the hapless dean asked. Ahmadinejad was too polite to answer truthfully: "To find useful idiots who would allow me to deny that the facts of the Holocaust are fixed, to assert that Iran is the victim not the perpetrator of terror, that Israel's right to exist ought to be the subject of a referendum, and to announce that there are no gays in Iran, thus sending a very clear message to the gays in Iran. I came, in short, to find you and the audience you gave me."

To me, it boils down to a single question: if Bollinger really believed the things he said about the "Islamic Republic," why the frak did he give Adolph the Younger the invite in the first place?

It's entirely depressing to me, so I was happy to seek solace in an outpouring of gallows humor.

***Hugh Hewitt suggested an Axis of Evil World Lecture Tour 2007 made up of Ahmadinejad, Bashir Assad, Fidel Castro, Hugo Chavez, Kim Jung Il, Robert Mugabe, and Muqtada al-Sadr. Hell, why call off the dogs and invite Mullah Omar and Osama bin Laden himself? If "jaw-jaw" is always better than "war-war," why not, er, shoot the moon?

***Congressman John Campbell (R-CA) wonders why Columbia never invited Apartheidite South African President P.W. Botha to come and grace its podium in a celebration of free speech it would have genuinely opposed in order to actually prove its supposed commitment to the concept. There must be some sort of cosmic harmonic with the fact that the theoNazi regime for which Ahmadinejad fronts has repeatedly shut-down Tehran University and imprisoned its student leaders. Some might call it repression, but I'm sure that Columbians heartily endorse this necessary action, which was, of course, done in the name of protecting "free speech," as the mullahs define it.

***Williams & Potfry incitefully anticipated some audience questions the Geico Caveman would encounter:

Dear Esteemed Leader:

It seems the explosives you are supplying to the freedom fighters in Iraq aren’t killing and maiming the illegally occupying American soldiers at the rate we’d hoped for. Have you considered switching to a device with a greater air blast and superior fragment projection? Or, failing that, perhaps taking a page from our brothers in the Palestinian resistance and filling the IEDs with ball bearings, nails, and thumb tacks?

~ ~ ~

Oh Mighty Prince of Persia:

First, let me apologize for those mindless Neo-con (talk about redundant!) protests outside. It’s a sad day indeed when the benevolent leader of a major world power is pelted with Slurpee cups and greeted with cries of “Hey cabbie!” Furthermore, I really felt the “Goat Whisperer” signs were beyond the pale.

My question stems from a recent discussion we had in my Womyn’s Studies Class. A freshman suggested that Iran’s policies toward women could be construed as borderline intolerant, citing the recent death by stoning of an Iranian woman for adultery. I quickly pointed out the faulty, blatantly ethnocentric thinking inherent in this student’s remark. My question is this: in this supposedly “enlightened” day and age, why are so many people still so intolerant of different cultures? And please don’t give me the “He’s just a freshman” line. I was a freshman like three semesters ago and was never a raging xenophobe like that Hitler-youth wannabe.

~ ~ ~

Dearest Sultan:

First, I want to apologize for the so-called lizards at the Zionist blog Little Green Footballs who have taken to calling you “DinnerJacket.” That their ignorance and intolerance extends even to their fashion sensibility should not surprise us. The enlightened among, us, however, can appreciate that a Members Only jacket never goes out of style.

My question is this: many BusHitler supporters conveniently believe that, in your famous “World Without Zionism” speech, you said that “Israel should be wiped from the map.” Last week, in my Tibetan Film and TV class, the professor told us that academic scholars have properly translated the phrase as, “Live long and prosper my Hebrew brethren.” Clearly, this translation is more in keeping with Iran’s great tradition of tolerance. But I remain perplexed: why is it that Israel wants to kill Arab babies?

~ ~ ~

Mighty Monarch of Mesopotamia:

It is a pleasure to have a real, live revolutionary speak at our humble school. I know many Rethuglicans have put enormous pressure on Columbia to prevent you from speaking. To this university’s credit, they haven’t backed down. The free exchange of ideas-especially unpopular ones-must be allowed to continue in this country; especially in the halls of academe. I am looking forward to hearing what you have to say. I already know it will be a quantum leap ahead of the vile, racist Minutemen speech that we had to shut down last year. I would like to know if you will be coming out with a line of t-shirts similar to Che Guevera’s? I know like a hundred dudes who would totally buy one.

Keep it in mind.

~ ~ ~

President Ahmadinejad,

Two-part question: First, is it difficult to break into your line of work? Second, are you currently accepting interns?

***Dean Barnett suggested that President Bollinger and Dean Coatsworth go for an all-out dhimmi blitz:

So what should Columbia do to appropriately honor Ahmadenijad? I say in for a dime, in for a dollar. If Columbia’s going to honor the insane Persian, do it in style and with full commitment. It’s not too late President Bollinger – declare today “Sharia Day” on Columbia’s campus.

Put all the women in burkas. Pull out a dozen or so Columbia co-eds so they can have their hymens inspected to make sure they haven’t violated their family’s honor. In keeping with the spirit of the day, I’m afraid this test will have to be pass/fail. Potentially aggrieved family members should be standing by with appropriate weaponry.

To further make the Mahdi at home, Columbia could round up a couple of homosexuals. In fervent Islamic circles like those the Mahdi leads, there happens to be a serious theological debate about whether pure practitioners of Islam should execute homosexuals by throwing them off a building or burying them alive. Thus, President Bollinger will have to deliver two gays to the Mahdi just to be on the safe side.

But the females and the gays shouldn’t be the only ones who get to participate in Sharia Day. Sharia is nothing if not inclusive. All of the campus’ non-Muslims can pay next year’s Poll Tax today. No reason everyone can’t be part of the festivities!

Why do I call the above "gallows" humor? Because the reality is almost as bad as, if not worse than, the parody; and because if the American Left has its way, those of us who survive the Islamist invasion will be lucky if our conquers allow us to be executed on the gallows.

On the other hand, beheading won't cost the libs any vital or useful body parts....