Thursday, September 23, 2004

Right-wing rant of the year

No second-hand description can do justice to this one...

"Kerry now says Bush is going to bring back the draft.

"Uh huh. Yes. I see. OK ... . Call security. This guy is acting strange.

"The DRAFT? Why stop there? Why stop with making it be VIETNAM AGAIN, John? Bush is also going to reinstate the prohibition of spirituous liquors. And require Colored Only drinking fountains. And bring back breadlines and Hoovervilles and 20% unemployment. And strip from all women the sacred right to vote. And restore slavery, of course. And then ... and then ... Bush will cause the Moon to plunge into the Pacific, dooming us all to a fiery death as the planet itself is shattered into pieces.

"Hello, John? Listen: You are a hapless dolt. You are the despair of your Party and a joke to the rest of us.

"John Kerry is running against George W. Bush and he has to make up issues? What the Hell kind of politician is he? The man has no grasp of even the basics. He has been spoon-fed a Senate seat in Massachusetts all his life. He has no idea what he is doing. He gets up every day and just wings it, makes shit up. It is jaw-dropping, incomprehensible.

"A moderately well-trained Doberman Pinscher could come up with five plausible issues and stay on point and be polling at least three points ahead of where Kerry is.

"I remember Dole's '96 campaign, which was like a lead weight around the neck of all GOPers as we sank once more with nightmarish slowness into the green and fathomless depths of defeat at the hands of the hated Clinton. That campaign was absolutley incoherent, pathetic, heartbreaking. No one was home. Kemp, even, whom we'd once loved so much, was useless. So, for badly run campaigns, I thought I had seen the bottom of the abyss and I'd never see it again in my lifetime.

"Kerry, impossibly, insanely, is even worse."

The Moon plunging into the Pacific...A moderately well-trained Doberman Pinscher...I'm still cackling. Definitely made my day.

Ralph Peters also launched today. My favorite highlights...

"Today, we have a presidential candidate, the conscienceless Senator John Kerry, doing the work of the enemy propagandists of yesteryear."

"I think it's great that Kerry speaks fluent French. I wish he'd go to France where he could speak it all the time."

"...Kerry isn't serious. All he does is to declare defeat. He certainly doesn't want to be al Qaeda's candidate, but he's made himself into their man through his irresponsibility."

"In 1944, the Democrats had FDR. In 2004, they've got the stretch-limo version of Mike Dukakis."

"...the truth is that every roadside blast and car bomb in Iraq is meant to support John Kerry."

And he's happy to accept their support. After all, he needs all the backers he can get.