Oh, LORD....

***"When my twin daughters were young, I taught them to say this prayer before going to bed. As I listened outside their door, I could hear them say, 'Give us this steak and daily bread, and forgive us our mattresses.' My husband and I always had a good laugh over this. That was over 50 years ago, and the memory still remains in my heart.

***"My mother spent her early childhood saying, 'Hail Mary, full of grapes.'"

***My son, who is in nursery school, said, "Our Father, Who art in Heaven, how didja know my name?"

***"I remember thinking this prayer was 'Give us this day our jelly bread.'"

***"I recall reading something years ago about the Pledge of Allegiance. Some child thought it began, "I led the pigeons to the flag."

***"When I was little, I often wondered who Richard Stands was. You know: "I pledge allegiance to the flag . . . And to the republic for Richard Stands."

[Editors' note: Jeff Foxworthy oughta add that one to the Redneck Dictionary]

***"When my husband was 6 years old, he thought a certain Prayer was 'He suffered under a bunch of violets.' The real words were 'under Pontius Pilate,' but at that age, he didn't know better. To this day, we still snicker in church whenever that prayer is read."

***"When I was younger, I believed the line was 'Lead a snot into temptation.' I thought I was praying for my little sister to get into trouble."

[h/t: Uncle]