Monday, October 25, 2004

If Clinton & Gore are the Cavalry, Kerry would be better off with Custer

Of course, that analogy doesn't hold all that well, because in context, Kerry is Custer....

Ask yourself this question: when did George W. Bush ever send Bob Dole and Gerald Ford out to campaign for him as his "star" surrogates? Oh, yes, that's right, Ford was never elected. His pappy, then?

Look, I know that Clinton is the only the third Dem since Grover Cleveland to have won two terms as president, and is the only donk with certifiable "rock star" status, but when has the man ever gotten anybody but himself elected to anything? I mean, sure, given his sheer volume of campaigning during and since his moist reign, there must have been a few, but as a rule he's had the sidaM touch (you know, he touches chicken salad and it becomes...well, you know...). Criminy, have people forgotten that there are now 52 fewer Dems in the House and eight fewer in the Senate than when he was first elected POTUS twelve years ago?

Rumor has it Clinton's primary role is to fire up black voters for what has to be the single whitest man ever to seek the nation's highest office. Culturally speaking, that is - the picture I saw of Clinton today would seem to make him the physically whitest man in the land, as well as looking about eighty years old. One wonders if he really ought to be out campaigning only seven weeks after open heart surgery.

Indeed, one wonders why Clinton is out campaigning at all given his wife's candid designs on the Oval Office and her legendary impatience. Then the answer dawns - Mr. Bill believes that it's already too late, Kerry can't win, so it's safe to return to the campaign mosh pits again and create the appearance of intra-party amity now that his operatives have effectively stuck the knife in Lurch's back. Which, at this point, seems redundant.

Still, Clinton does have "rock star" status and all. But what explains deputizing Gore? And to Florida no less. That fat bastard has a screw loose. Every time he's in front of a microphone you can just see something bursting inside of him like the victims in the scifi classic (work with me here...) Scanners.

What? He got 93% of the black vote in 2000? And Clinton's best was ten points short of that?

Piffle. He's still crazy as a loon. And sodomarriage wasn't an issue in that campaign.

Maybe being on stage with Gore would make Kerry look normal by comparison. But Gore is flying solo; it's Clinton with whom Kerry is hanging out. How that can make Mr. French look like anything but the pompous stiff he really is just baffles me.

But even seeking a lifeline from the don of the donks is pretty convincing evidence that the Kerry candidacy is going down for the third time.

Which means the Clintons have the Boston Balker right where they want him - ready to stick the hose down his throat and open the spigots on full.