"Reid All About It" or "Big, Fat, Harry Deal"

(That's a Rocky & Bullwinkle reference, in case anybody is wondering.)

Speaking of Mr. Know-It-All, Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid seems to have an unstaunchable case of the verbal runs this week. I thought of fisking him the other day but figured I'd wait an extra day or two and have my fun all at once.

Here is "cut number one" from Monday, delivered on the Senate floor, with appropriate translation (kind of like a UN general assembly speech):

There is great concern among both Democrats and Republicans about the path Senator Frist is leading the Senate down.

There is great concern among Democrats that Senator Frist has grown a spine.

It’s becoming increasingly clear that Senator Frist is under enormous pressure from right wing groups to trigger the nuclear option this week.

Uh-oh, he's really gonna do it, oh bleep, whadda we do now?

So many of our colleagues want to avert this damaging confrontation.

We Democrats want to avert a confrontation we cannot win.

It will be bad for the Senate and bad for the country, and we have a responsibility to the American people to take every possible step to avoid it.

It will be bad for the Democrats, and we have a responsibility to the moveon.orgers to take every possible step to avoid it, or they'll tear us limb from bloody limb.

I have put a real compromise on the table to break the Republican gridlock over seven radical judges, so Washington can get back to doing the people’s business.

I have tried to bully and snooker Frist into submission, but he's not impressed by the studly aura of my manly swagger.

But, we will not accept anything that destroys the checks and balances that have protected the American people for 217 years.

We will not accept anything that doesn't let us continue to run the country from the minority status we cannot escape.

The White House manufactured this crisis.

Bush isn't impressed with my manly swagger, either.

Since Bush took office, the Senate confirmed 208 of his judicial nominations and turned back only 10, a 95% confirmation rate.

You're all too stupid to know the difference between district courts and appellate courts.

Instead of accepting that success and avoiding further divisiveness and partisanship in Washington, the President chose to pick fights instead of judges by resubmitting the names of the rejected nominees, including Priscilla Owen, William Meyers, William Pryor, Janice Rogers Brown and Henry Saad.

Who does Bush think he is, the President of the United States?

Meanwhile the President has failed to send us new nominations.

Meanwhile, the President has failed to send us left-wing nominations.

In more than 4 months since he was sworn in to a second term, the President has sent the Senate only one new judicial nomination.

If I wave my hands around enough, you'll all forget that we're the ones clogging up the confirmation process.

Other than that one nominee to the district court in Nevada, every single one of the President’s judicial nominees has been here before.

Jesus, what a stubborn bastard.

One reason why the White House won’t send new judges to the Senate is that they don’t want to give Senate Democrats a chance to continue to demonstrate that we are reasonable.

C'mon, Mr. President, is ten all you got? We can stuff a lot more than ten.

They don’t want the confirmation rate to increase from 95% to 96% or 98%.

They want to give me continued opportunities to show off my highly-developed arithmetical obfuscation skills.

They want to paint us as obstructionists in an attempt to convince the American people that their abuse of power is somehow warranted.

How dare they call us out on our obstructionism and abuse of power!

I suspect that the White House wants to force the nuclear option on the Senate because it wants to clear the way for a Supreme Court nominee who only needs 51 votes instead of one who needs 60 votes.

They want to give me continued opportunties to show off my vast knowledge of constitutional doctrine.

They don’t want a David Souter, or an Anthony Kennedy, or a Sandra Day O’Connor, or a Ruth Bader Ginsberg, or a Stephen Breyer, all of whom were confirmed with near unanimous bipartisan support.

They won't let us dictate to them the selection of ever more of our robed legislators instead of judges who will just {shudder} interpret the law.

They want a Clarence Thomas. who was confirmed with only 52 votes and has since proven to be an extremist on the Court.

They want to give me continued opportunties to show off my vast knowledge of Justice Thomas' legal reasoning.

George Bush wants to turn the Senate into a second House of Representatives, a rubberstamp for his right wing agenda and radical judges.

Being in the minority sucks.

That’s not how America works.

They should have given us the majority instead, the numbskulled ingrates.

While Republicans corrupt our government, Democrats will fight to protect our constitutional checks and balances and basic fairness for the American people.

Democrats will fight to overturn each and every election result until you morons finally give up and put us back in charge.

It’s important that we continue to meet our responsibilities to the American people.

It's important that we keep selling you a steady stream of shinola.

Senate Democrats came to Washington to govern, not pick political battles.

Senate Democrats came to Washington to rule the country, no matter what the voters said.

There is a nominee on the executive calendar named Thomas Griffith, who is a controversial nominee to an important appellate court. But if he is brought before the Senate I believe he will be confirmed.

We don't have the votes to filibuster Griffith.

Mr. Griffith is the former Senate Legal Counsel. His nomination to the DC Circuit was reported from the Judiciary Committee on a 14-4 vote. A number of Democrats will vote against confirmation on the floor. But we know the difference between opposing nominees and blocking nominees. We will oppose bad nominees, but we will only block unacceptable nominees.

When we don't have the votes to filibuster a nominee, we oppose him; when we do, we block him.

Democrats will use the filibuster responsibly, and there is no cause for the majority to break the rules and 217 years of Senate traditions to take away that right.

Democrats won't let a single appellate or SCOTUS nomination from this president see the slimmest light of day, and will falsify the history of this institution as much as humanly possible to make it stick.

I want to emphasize that Mr. Griffith is nominated to the D.C. Circuit. This is the most important appellate court after the Supreme Court. Republicans say that our 95% confirmation rate is irrelevant because many of the 208 judges we have confirmed are district court nominees. Well here is a nominee to the most important federal court of appeals in the country, and we are prepared to move forward.

Even my own colleagues aren't impressed by my manly swagger.

This same courtesy was not extended to President Clinton’s nominees to the D.C. Circuit. Republicans held up the nomination of Justice Department official Merrick Garland for two years before finally confirming him in 1997.

"Irrelevant." I..R..R..E..L..E..V..A..N..T - irrelevant.

President Clinton then nominated two distinguished lawyers to the court: Elena Kagan, who is now the Dean of Harvard Law School, and Allen Snyder, a partner in the law firm of Hogan & Hartson and a former clerk to Chief Justice Rehnquist. Both of those nominations were buried in the Judiciary Committee and were never given an up-down vote on the floor of the Senate. I have heard my Republican friends say so many times this year that nominees are entitled to an up-down vote. I defy them to explain why Elena Kagan and Allen Snyder were denied votes on the Senate floor.

You're too dumb to know the difference between majority committee opposition and minority floor obstructionism.

But we want to move forward. And to demonstrate our good will, we want to move forward on a controversial nominee to the D.C. Circuit. Today, I told the Majority Leader that Democrats are prepared to enter into a unanimous consent agreement to move to the Griffith nomination.

Look how generous we are by giving you a nominee we can't throttle anyway.

Under this unanimous consent agreement, we would proceed to the Griffith nomination immediately following disposition of the supplemental appropriations bill. We would then have up to 10 hours of debate on that nomination, equally divided. Following that debate we are willing to have an up-down vote on this controversial nominee to the D.C. Circuit.

Griffith is as "controversial" as corn flakes, but we're branding him that way to make it look like we're passing the political equivalent of a kidney stone the size of a honeydew melon.

And if the Majority Leader is unwilling to take up the Griffith nomination right after the appropriations bill, I urge that the Majority Leader proceed to the Griffith nomination before he implements the nuclear option. Give us a chance to do the people’s business.

If we don't take up the Griffith nomination now, Bill Frist is obstructing it.

Let’s try cooperation instead of confrontation.

You're getting sleepy...verrrrrry sleepy...you don't like the nuclear option...you will never activate the nuclear option...

The American people deserve better.

The American people will take what we want to give them, whether they want it or not.

If Senator Frist continues on Democrats will do the nation’s business and work to reduce gas prices, make health care more affordable, create new and better jobs, and give the veterans the support they need and deserve.

Surrender, Senator Frist, and we won't get hurt.

~ ~ ~

Here comes "cut number two".

I still consider this confrontation entirely unnecessary and irresponsible.

We can't win this confrontation.

Reid said he wants to keep looking for a possible compromise with Frist.

Reid thinks he can still hornswoggle Frist.

Reid calls for keeping the judicial filibuster as a needed tool by the minority to check the power of the majority.

Reid calls for thwarting majority rule until his party can regain it, after which it will once again become sacrosanct.

"This fight is not about seven radical nominees," Reid said. "It is about clearing the way for a Supreme Court nominee."

We're obstructing these appellate court nominees to keep them from ever getting to the Supreme Court.

~ ~ ~

"Cut number three"

"I want to be clear: We are prepared for a vote on the nuclear option."

Geez, I hope the RINOs break our way.

"Democrats will join responsible Republicans in a vote to uphold the constitutional principle of checks and balances."

If the RINOs break our way, elections will become functionally irrelevant.

~ ~ ~

Here comes "cut number four" from just yesterday:

"I tell people how I feel about things. I don't try to hide how I feel."

I've risen as high as I'm going to get, so I can afford to be an asshole.

"Maybe my choice of words was improper, and I have indicated that maybe they were, but I want everyone here, I repeat, to know I'm going to continue to call things the way that I see them, and I think this Administration has done a very, very bad job for this nation and the world."

You're damned right, Bush is a loser.

~ ~ ~

Bullwinkle: Hey Rocky, watch me pull six elephants out of my hat.

Rocky: Again?

Bullwinkle: Presto!

Lion: ROAR!!!

Bullwinkle: Oops, wrong hat.

[Hat trick: Blogs for Bush]