Did you know that John Kerry was the real life Rambo? Just ask him!
"Democratic presidential nominee and ***VIETNAM WAR VETERAN*** John Kerry tried to burnish his national security credentials on Saturday by vowing to hunt down terrorists with the same energy he used to pursue the Viet Cong. ...
"With the same energy ... I put into going after the Viet Cong and trying to win for our country, I pledge to you I will hunt down and capture or kill the terrorists before they harm us," Kerry said. "And we will wage a war on terror that makes America proud and brings the world to our side."
He will, my fellow Americans. Personally. Shirtless. With headband, rippling, oiled musculature, and his trusty ChiComm rifle. And those that he captures (after sneaking up on them on his belly through the underbrush) he'll tie up securely and then torture by forcing them to listen to his stump speech indefinitely until they beg to be beheaded.
You know why it's time for this campaign to end? Because everything has already been said. By John Kerry. Particularly this relentless, interminable macho chest-thumping. It reminds me of all the sexual boasting I used to hear in junior high gym class.
Indeed, I had one high school friend who was a year behind me who used to tell me that he had had sex "over a thousand times." Given that he was not quite sixteen at the time, I suppose that was just barely biologically possible, assuming that he was also related to (or well-connected with) Wilt Chamberlain. He never made that particular claim, but fearing that he might if I asked, I let discretion be the better part of valor.
Strangely enough, he never suggested that we double-date.
John Kerry, however, is suggesting that some 160 million Americans turn out and vote to make him President Rambo, which would last about twenty-nine seconds after he'd had George W. Bush arrested by his "security forces," after which he would morph back into a gangly Adlai Stevenson.
After this election is over, the Massachusetts mercenary is going to look back and realize that his critical mistake in a campaign littered with them was when, in the final debate, he failed to walk out from behind the podium, unzip himself, and prove to the American people that his really is longer.
Providing the President with the opening to remark, "Well, Senator, how do you think they're keeping me tethered to my podium....?"
"With the same energy ... I put into going after the Viet Cong and trying to win for our country, I pledge to you I will hunt down and capture or kill the terrorists before they harm us," Kerry said. "And we will wage a war on terror that makes America proud and brings the world to our side."
He will, my fellow Americans. Personally. Shirtless. With headband, rippling, oiled musculature, and his trusty ChiComm rifle. And those that he captures (after sneaking up on them on his belly through the underbrush) he'll tie up securely and then torture by forcing them to listen to his stump speech indefinitely until they beg to be beheaded.
You know why it's time for this campaign to end? Because everything has already been said. By John Kerry. Particularly this relentless, interminable macho chest-thumping. It reminds me of all the sexual boasting I used to hear in junior high gym class.
Indeed, I had one high school friend who was a year behind me who used to tell me that he had had sex "over a thousand times." Given that he was not quite sixteen at the time, I suppose that was just barely biologically possible, assuming that he was also related to (or well-connected with) Wilt Chamberlain. He never made that particular claim, but fearing that he might if I asked, I let discretion be the better part of valor.
Strangely enough, he never suggested that we double-date.
John Kerry, however, is suggesting that some 160 million Americans turn out and vote to make him President Rambo, which would last about twenty-nine seconds after he'd had George W. Bush arrested by his "security forces," after which he would morph back into a gangly Adlai Stevenson.
After this election is over, the Massachusetts mercenary is going to look back and realize that his critical mistake in a campaign littered with them was when, in the final debate, he failed to walk out from behind the podium, unzip himself, and prove to the American people that his really is longer.
Providing the President with the opening to remark, "Well, Senator, how do you think they're keeping me tethered to my podium....?"
posted by JASmius at 11:00 PM
<<< Home